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{{Post Infobox|title1=NeShattered Post 46|previous=[[NeShattered Post 45]]|next=[[NeShattered Post 47]]|thread=[[NeShattered]]|chapter=*[['AGE 2 - THE SUBPLOT]]
⚫
In [[NeShattered Post 45]], the [[NeS Heroes]] are running across the [[NeShattered Desert]] in retreat from gunmen and a sand monster. However, in [[NeShattered Post 46]], [[Sarn Cadrill]] suddenly feels faint, slowing the group down. [[The Last True Evil]] suggests he could shoot him and be finished with him, prompting [[Semievil]] to say that he was inclined to go with the turning evil phase to subvert [[NeShattered]] inverted [[Narrative Mechanics]] in NeShattered Post 45, but that was too far. When [[Qhobeg 1]] helps Sarn, however, he declares that he is actually [[Captain Sran Cadpill]] and thinks that Qhobeg must be an ensign. [[Gebohq Simon]] had seen Sarn do this before and assures Qhobeg to just go with it. Sran wants to return and fight the enemy, insisting that they are [[Main Characters]] and will be fine, though Qhobeg points out that ensigns always get killed off. The Narrator continues to point out that the gunslingers and sand monster are approaching, which causes Gebohq Simon to start arguing with him. Qhobeg wants to come up with a plan, which is to continue running away, but Sran says that Qhobeg is only an ensign and can't come up with plans, so he, the captain, comes up with the plan to hastily advance in the opposite direction of the enemy. He also decides that they need to split into teams, as Task Group A and Task Group B. He decided that Task Group A would consist of himself, Gebohq Simon and The Last True Evil while everyone else would be relegated to Task Group B - the expendable team, so Qhobeg, as an ensign, is forced into that group. As the group runs away, the Narrator gives his usual cliché end of post lines, but suddenly [[Cool Matty]] and [[Mimiru]] stop in protest over how stupid this [[Post]] has been, as though they would stand quietly while just four characters speak for twenty minutes. As Mimiru continues to protest, she falls over as her trousers fall to her ankles and everyone laughs at her. She argues with the [[Writer]], because he made it happen and made everyone laugh, even though it's not funny. [[Sarn the Writer]] warns her not to argue with the Writer and then writes her as declaring him to be the greatest and best looking Writer, after which she complains that he forced those lines out of her. As she keeps complaining the curtains for the scene fall on her. [[Semievil]] declares himself leader for Task Group B. Task Group A, and everything else, are frozen in a [[timestop]] because Semievil is giving a [[villainous monologue]], as per the inverted [[hero]]-[[villain]] Narrative Mechanics of NeShattered. He wants their group to gain entry to [[Evil Geb]]'s [[Palace of Power]] while Task Group A are being chased along by the gunslingers and the monster. Then, they could open the doors for group A to get inside. So Semievil throws Agent Tumbleweed at the gate. The two guards turn out to be [[Losien Simon]] and [[MaybeChild]], who are working for [[Greenpeace]]. All of NeShattered's natural resources have been locked within the Palace of Power by Evil G, so he could get Greenpeace to guard his fortress for free. Seeing the Tumbleweed, they cite litterbug violations and throw Tumbleweed into the trashcan. Semievil demands to be let through, but they refuse, so Semievil threatens to chop down a tree with a comically oversized herring, much to the horror of the two women. He gives the herring to Cool Matty, who chops at the tree with the fish. As this could be the last tree outside of the Palace of Power, they all rush out to stop Cool Matty. This allows the rest of the group to get inside and take the gate. It is then revealed that the herring was just an inflatable prop and the tree is cardboard. Losien and MaybeChild admit defeat and Greenpeace hand over all their weapons to Cool Matty. However, a moment later and the gunslingers and the monster arrive, chasing Task Group A, so Greenpeace decide to capture Cool Matty after all. He uses magic to then teleport himself away while Team A runs inside the fortress and Team B closes the gate. Now that they are beyond the gate, they need to find Evil Geb. He, however, knows the heroes have arrived, as per his plan, and wants to take [[Young]] to the [[Villainous Announcements Room]] to declare their [[Evil Wedding]]. She initially refuses, stating that her "mother", the [[Neverending Story]] itself, would not allow him to kill her, but he vowed that he could do much worse to her and that NeS is so far away from NeShattered, so she agrees to go with him. As the heroes walk, they see [[Conveniently Abandoned Bar]], which is where Losien Simon and MaybeChild planned to meet the heroes with their secretive contacts. There [[MaybeChild and the Greenpeas]] are playing music, and despite the earlier incident with her and Losien, Semievil insists that she is a friend and will help them. As they decide what to do next, the televisions flare to life with a broadcast from Evil Geb and Young. He asserts that he committed evil upon the world to ensure that NeShattered would continue to exist, but that he recently travelled to another world, in Post?, and in this world he met Young and he has now vowed to undo all of the evil he ever committed. In his [[New Jersusalem]] where all the world's natural resources now are, creating a beautiful paradise. He also claims that the [[NeS Heroes]] have come from that world to help him in his ambition and then sets his wedding day with Young for the twenty-fifth of December, [[Christmas Day]]. The heroes don't believe any of it and go to leave. As they exit, however, locals rush at them, thinking Gebohq Simon is Evil Geb of their world, and that [[Subaru]], who is dragging Gebohq into action, must be Young. They retreat back inside, but then MaybeChild tells them not to move as they are surrounded and Losien finally reveals herself too. The Last True Evil is thrilled to see Losien again, however she leaps onto the bar and smacks him. He protests, not knowing what he did wrong, wondering if he forgot [[Valentine's Day]]. However, she claims that he abandoned in NeShattered, in post ???, but he tries to defend himself, saying she wanted to go, which prompts her to hit him again. He tries to calm her down, saying that they have the opportunity now to save everyone on the [[Shattered Earth]]. However, she then uppercuts him and when he falls down, he falls through the floor. This surprises her, however, as there is not meant to be a basement to the building. In the basement, TLTE wakes up in darkness, but he hears a voice. The lights suddenly flare on to reveal there is a frightened, young boy there who thinks TLTE will hurt him. TLTE promises that he will not, and will never, hurt the boy, which brings cheers of joy from the kid. The boy gives his name as [[Amal]] and tells TLTE that he is eleven years old and has been in the basement for years. He was put there by his uncle, who would be revealed as [[Arkng Thand]] in Post ??, so that he could grow up well. One hole in the wall is where he would receive food, while another hole is where he would receive books, or sometimes magazines, which is revealed to be from [[Apple]] in Post ??. TLTE lies to the boy and tells him that his uncle sent him to take Amal out to see the world, bringing joy to the boy, and that they should go to meet this uncle together.
  
  +
**[[The Invitation]]|page=[[NeShattered Page 2]]|writer=*[[Sarn_Cadrill the Writer]]
  +
**[[Semievil333 the Writer]]
  +
**[[Gebohq the Writer]]
  +
**[[The Last True Evil the Writer]]|timestamp=09-23-2006, 08:00 AM|location(s)=*[[NeShattered]]
  +
**[[Shattered Earth]]
  +
***[[NeShattered Desert]]
  +
***[[New Jerusalem]]
  +
****City Gate
  +
****[[Palace of Power]]
  +
****[[Conveniently Abandoned Bar]]
  +
*****[[Amal's Room]]|location(s)_(referenced)=*[[Neverending Story]]|characters_(major)=*Task Group A
  +
**[[Sarn Cadrill]] {{!}} [[Sran Cadpill]]
  +
**[[Gebohq Simon]]
  +
**[[The Last True Evil]]
  +
*Task Group B
  +
**[[Semievil]]
  +
**[[Qhobeg 1]]
  +
**[[Cool Matty]]
  +
**[[Mimiru]]
  +
**[[Subaru]]
  +
**[[The Otter]]
  +
**[[Rick]]
  +
**[[Ariana]]
  +
**[[Sugarless]]
  +
**[[Antestarr]]
  +
**[[Agent Tumbleweed]]
  +
*Others
  +
**[[Narrator]]
  +
**Gunslingers
  +
**[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sandworm_(Dune) Sandworm]
  +
**[[Greenpeace]]
  +
***[[Losien Simon]]
  +
***[[MaybeChild]]
  +
****[[Maybe and the Greenpeas]]
  +
**Citizens of [[NeShattered]]
  +
**[[Amal]]
  +
*In the [[Palace of Power]]
  +
**[[Evil Geb]]
  +
**[[Young]]|characters_(referenced)=*[[Amal's Uncle]]
  +
*[[Young's Mother]]|items=*Comically sized herring
  +
*Cardboard tree
  +
*[[Narrative Theory]]
  +
**Inverted [[Hero]]-[[Villain]] [[Story Mechanics]]
  +
**[[Villainous Monologue]]
  +
***[[Timestop]]
  +
*[[Evil Wedding]]
  +
*[[Villainous Annoucements Room]]
  +
*[[Vision of a Maiden Broadcasting Centre]]|items_(referenced)=*[[Amal's Books]]
  +
**Magazines}}
  +
  ⚫
In [[NeShattered Post 45]], the [[NeS Heroes]] are running across the [[NeShattered Desert]] in retreat from gunmen and a sand monster. However, in [[NeShattered Post 46]], [[Sarn Cadrill]] suddenly feels faint, slowing the group down. [[The Last True Evil]] suggests he could shoot him and be finished with him, prompting [[Semievil]] to say that he was inclined to go with the turning evil phase to subvert [[NeShattered]] inverted [[Narrative Mechanics]] in NeShattered Post 45, but that was too far. When [[Qhobeg 1]] helps Sarn, however, he declares that he is actually [[Captain Sran Cadpill]] and thinks that Qhobeg must be an ensign. [[Gebohq Simon]] had seen Sarn do this before and assures Qhobeg to just go with it. Sran wants to return and fight the enemy, insisting that they are [[Main Characters]] and will be fine, though Qhobeg points out that ensigns always get killed off. The Narrator continues to point out that the gunslingers and sand monster are approaching, which causes Gebohq Simon to start arguing with him. Qhobeg wants to come up with a plan, which is to continue running away, but Sran says that Qhobeg is only an ensign and can't come up with plans, so he, the captain, comes up with the plan to hastily advance in the opposite direction of the enemy. He also decides that they need to split into teams, as Task Group A and Task Group B. He decided that Task Group A would consist of himself, Gebohq Simon and The Last True Evil while everyone else would be relegated to Task Group B - the expendable team, so Qhobeg, as an ensign, is forced into that group. As the group runs away, the Narrator gives his usual cliché end of post lines, but suddenly [[Cool Matty]] and [[Mimiru]] stop in protest over how stupid this [[Post]] has been, as though they would stand quietly while just four characters speak for twenty minutes. As Mimiru continues to protest, she falls over as her trousers fall to her ankles and everyone laughs at her. She argues with the [[Writer]], because he made it happen and made everyone laugh, even though it's not funny. [[Sarn the Writer]] warns her not to argue with the Writer and then writes her as declaring him to be the greatest and best looking Writer, after which she complains that he forced those lines out of her. As she keeps complaining the curtains for the scene fall on her. [[Semievil]] declares himself leader for Task Group B. Task Group A, and everything else, are frozen in a [[timestop]] because Semievil is giving a [[villainous monologue]], as per the inverted [[hero]]-[[villain]] Narrative Mechanics of NeShattered. He wants their group to gain entry to [[Evil Geb]]'s [[Palace of Power]] while Task Group A are being chased along by the gunslingers and the monster. Then, they could open the doors for group A to get inside. So Semievil throws Agent Tumbleweed at the gate. The two guards turn out to be [[Losien Simon]] and [[MaybeChild]], who are working for [[Greenpeace]]. All of NeShattered's natural resources have been locked within the Palace of Power by Evil G, so he could get Greenpeace to guard his fortress for free. Seeing the Tumbleweed, they cite litterbug violations and throw Tumbleweed into the trashcan. Semievil demands to be let through, but they refuse, so Semievil threatens to chop down a tree with a comically oversized herring, much to the horror of the two women. He gives the herring to Cool Matty, who chops at the tree with the fish. As this could be the last tree outside of the Palace of Power, they all rush out to stop Cool Matty. This allows the rest of the group to get inside and take the gate. It is then revealed that the herring was just an inflatable prop and the tree is cardboard. Losien and MaybeChild admit defeat and Greenpeace hand over all their weapons to Cool Matty. However, a moment later and the gunslingers and the monster arrive, chasing Task Group A, so Greenpeace decide to capture Cool Matty after all. He uses magic to then teleport himself away while Team A runs inside the fortress and Team B closes the gate. Now that they are beyond the gate, they need to find Evil Geb. He, however, knows the heroes have arrived, as per his plan, and wants to take [[Young]] to the [[Villainous Announcements Room]] to declare their [[Evil Wedding]]. She initially refuses, stating that her "mother", the [[Neverending Story]] itself, would not allow him to kill her, but he vowed that he could do much worse to her and that NeS is so far away from NeShattered, so she agrees to go with him. As the heroes walk, they see [[Conveniently Abandoned Bar]], which is where Losien Simon and MaybeChild planned to meet the heroes with their secretive contacts. There [[MaybeChild and the Greenpeas]] are playing music, and despite the earlier incident with her and Losien, Semievil insists that she is a friend and will help them. As they decide what to do next, the televisions flare to life with a broadcast from Evil Geb and Young. He asserts that he committed evil upon the world to ensure that NeShattered would continue to exist, but that he recently travelled to another world, in Post?, and in this world he met Young and he has now vowed to undo all of the evil he ever committed. In his [[New Jersusalem]] where all the world's natural resources now are, creating a beautiful paradise. He also claims that the [[NeS Heroes]] have come from that world to help him in his ambition and then sets his wedding day with Young for the twenty-fifth of December, [[Christmas Day]]. The heroes don't believe any of it and go to leave. As they exit, however, locals rush at them, thinking Gebohq Simon is Evil Geb of their world, and that [[Subaru]], who is dragging Gebohq into action, must be Young. They retreat back inside, but then MaybeChild tells them not to move as they are surrounded and Losien finally reveals herself too. The Last True Evil is thrilled to see Losien again, however she leaps onto the bar and smacks him. He protests, not knowing what he did wrong, wondering if he forgot [[Valentine's Day]]. However, she claims that he abandoned in NeShattered, in post ???, but he tries to defend himself, saying she wanted to go, which prompts her to hit him again. He tries to calm her down, saying that they have the opportunity now to save everyone on the [[Shattered Earth]]. However, she then uppercuts him and when he falls down, he falls through the floor. This surprises her, however, as there is not meant to be a basement to the building. In the basement, TLTE wakes up in darkness, but he hears a voice. The lights suddenly flare on to reveal there is a frightened, young boy there who thinks TLTE will hurt him. TLTE promises that he will not, and will never, hurt the boy, which brings cheers of joy from the kid. The boy gives his name as [[Amal]] and tells TLTE that he is eleven years old and has been in the basement for years. He was put there by his uncle, who would be revealed as [[Arkng Thand]] in Post ??, so that he could grow up well. One hole in the wall is where he would receive food, while another hole is where he would receive books, or sometimes magazines, which is revealed to be from [[Apple]] in Post ??. TLTE lies to the boy and tells him that his uncle sent him to take Amal out to see the world, bringing joy to the boy, and that they should go to meet this uncle together. TLTE feels a great hope within him has been lit again upon adopting this boy.
   
 
==Post==
  
==Post==

Latest revision as of 16:38, 16 February 2021


In NeShattered Post 45, the NeS Heroes are running across the NeShattered Desert in retreat from gunmen and a sand monster. However, in NeShattered Post 46, Sarn Cadrill suddenly feels faint, slowing the group down. The Last True Evil suggests he could shoot him and be finished with him, prompting Semievil to say that he was inclined to go with the turning evil phase to subvert NeShattered inverted Narrative Mechanics in NeShattered Post 45, but that was too far. When Qhobeg 1 helps Sarn, however, he declares that he is actually Captain Sran Cadpill and thinks that Qhobeg must be an ensign. Gebohq Simon had seen Sarn do this before and assures Qhobeg to just go with it. Sran wants to return and fight the enemy, insisting that they are Main Characters and will be fine, though Qhobeg points out that ensigns always get killed off. The Narrator continues to point out that the gunslingers and sand monster are approaching, which causes Gebohq Simon to start arguing with him. Qhobeg wants to come up with a plan, which is to continue running away, but Sran says that Qhobeg is only an ensign and can't come up with plans, so he, the captain, comes up with the plan to hastily advance in the opposite direction of the enemy. He also decides that they need to split into teams, as Task Group A and Task Group B. He decided that Task Group A would consist of himself, Gebohq Simon and The Last True Evil while everyone else would be relegated to Task Group B - the expendable team, so Qhobeg, as an ensign, is forced into that group. As the group runs away, the Narrator gives his usual cliché end of post lines, but suddenly Cool Matty and Mimiru stop in protest over how stupid this Post has been, as though they would stand quietly while just four characters speak for twenty minutes. As Mimiru continues to protest, she falls over as her trousers fall to her ankles and everyone laughs at her. She argues with the Writer, because he made it happen and made everyone laugh, even though it's not funny. Sarn the Writer warns her not to argue with the Writer and then writes her as declaring him to be the greatest and best looking Writer, after which she complains that he forced those lines out of her. As she keeps complaining the curtains for the scene fall on her. Semievil declares himself leader for Task Group B. Task Group A, and everything else, are frozen in a timestop because Semievil is giving a villainous monologue, as per the inverted hero-villain Narrative Mechanics of NeShattered. He wants their group to gain entry to Evil Geb's Palace of Power while Task Group A are being chased along by the gunslingers and the monster. Then, they could open the doors for group A to get inside. So Semievil throws Agent Tumbleweed at the gate. The two guards turn out to be Losien Simon and MaybeChild, who are working for Greenpeace. All of NeShattered's natural resources have been locked within the Palace of Power by Evil G, so he could get Greenpeace to guard his fortress for free. Seeing the Tumbleweed, they cite litterbug violations and throw Tumbleweed into the trashcan. Semievil demands to be let through, but they refuse, so Semievil threatens to chop down a tree with a comically oversized herring, much to the horror of the two women. He gives the herring to Cool Matty, who chops at the tree with the fish. As this could be the last tree outside of the Palace of Power, they all rush out to stop Cool Matty. This allows the rest of the group to get inside and take the gate. It is then revealed that the herring was just an inflatable prop and the tree is cardboard. Losien and MaybeChild admit defeat and Greenpeace hand over all their weapons to Cool Matty. However, a moment later and the gunslingers and the monster arrive, chasing Task Group A, so Greenpeace decide to capture Cool Matty after all. He uses magic to then teleport himself away while Team A runs inside the fortress and Team B closes the gate. Now that they are beyond the gate, they need to find Evil Geb. He, however, knows the heroes have arrived, as per his plan, and wants to take Young to the Villainous Announcements Room to declare their Evil Wedding. She initially refuses, stating that her "mother", the Neverending Story itself, would not allow him to kill her, but he vowed that he could do much worse to her and that NeS is so far away from NeShattered, so she agrees to go with him. As the heroes walk, they see Conveniently Abandoned Bar, which is where Losien Simon and MaybeChild planned to meet the heroes with their secretive contacts. There MaybeChild and the Greenpeas are playing music, and despite the earlier incident with her and Losien, Semievil insists that she is a friend and will help them. As they decide what to do next, the televisions flare to life with a broadcast from Evil Geb and Young. He asserts that he committed evil upon the world to ensure that NeShattered would continue to exist, but that he recently travelled to another world, in Post?, and in this world he met Young and he has now vowed to undo all of the evil he ever committed. In his New Jersusalem where all the world's natural resources now are, creating a beautiful paradise. He also claims that the NeS Heroes have come from that world to help him in his ambition and then sets his wedding day with Young for the twenty-fifth of December, Christmas Day. The heroes don't believe any of it and go to leave. As they exit, however, locals rush at them, thinking Gebohq Simon is Evil Geb of their world, and that Subaru, who is dragging Gebohq into action, must be Young. They retreat back inside, but then MaybeChild tells them not to move as they are surrounded and Losien finally reveals herself too. The Last True Evil is thrilled to see Losien again, however she leaps onto the bar and smacks him. He protests, not knowing what he did wrong, wondering if he forgot Valentine's Day. However, she claims that he abandoned in NeShattered, in post ???, but he tries to defend himself, saying she wanted to go, which prompts her to hit him again. He tries to calm her down, saying that they have the opportunity now to save everyone on the Shattered Earth. However, she then uppercuts him and when he falls down, he falls through the floor. This surprises her, however, as there is not meant to be a basement to the building. In the basement, TLTE wakes up in darkness, but he hears a voice. The lights suddenly flare on to reveal there is a frightened, young boy there who thinks TLTE will hurt him. TLTE promises that he will not, and will never, hurt the boy, which brings cheers of joy from the kid. The boy gives his name as Amal and tells TLTE that he is eleven years old and has been in the basement for years. He was put there by his uncle, who would be revealed as Arkng Thand in Post ??, so that he could grow up well. One hole in the wall is where he would receive food, while another hole is where he would receive books, or sometimes magazines, which is revealed to be from Apple in Post ??. TLTE lies to the boy and tells him that his uncle sent him to take Amal out to see the world, bringing joy to the boy, and that they should go to meet this uncle together. TLTE feels a great hope within him has been lit again upon adopting this boy.

Post

Meanwhile (NeShattered count 3? (I think)) Sarn suddenly stops running. He sways slightly, then regains his footing. The others turn back.

Geb: "Sarn, what are you doing?? We're being chased by a group of gunslingers, a long gunslinger and FREAKING GIANT WORM MONSTER! This is no time to stop running."


Sarn: "Uh, I'm not sure.. Suddenly I feel kind of... strange."

Qhobeg: "Eh?"


Sarn: "As if... It's like I've... had too much to drink. I'm kinda dizzy, and my vision's kinda.. weird and such.


*A bullet slams into the dirt inches from Sarn's foot.*


Geb: "Someone grab him! We've got to get out of here.

TLTE: (shouting from the back) "Let me just shoot him and be done with it! He IS the weakest link. Goodbye."


Sem: (to TLTE) "Ok, I was going along with the whole "turning evil" thing, but really, didn't we go over this already?"


Qhobeg: "Real funny, TLTE! I've got him, Geb."


*Qhobeg runs back to where Sarn stands, swaying slightly and blinking in the sunlight.*


Qhobeg: "You ok, buddy?"

Sarn: "Who are you calling "buddy" Ensign? That's Captain Cadpill to you!"


*Qhobeg rolls his eyes and glances to Geb.*


Geb: "Just go with it. It's kind of a multiple personality disorder thing. Call him Captain."


Qhobeg: "Uhh, sorry about the breach in protocol, Captain. But we need to get out of here. We're severely outmatched. The uhh... regs call for a retreat."

Sarn: "Retreat? You've got to be kidding me. I'm the famouse Captain Cadpill. I don't retreat. Don't worry. It'll be fine. We're main characters."

Qhobeg: "But you just called me, Ensign. I've seen enough Star Trek episodes to know that the ensigns always die."


Sarn: "Well you might be ok. To be honest I wasn't sure what rank you are, since you're out of uniform, but I was just covering my bases cause the only time a main character dies is when there are no ensigns around to die first. So, in that light, you're officially demoted slash promoted to ensign. By the way, have some respect for protocol and call me Sir."


Qhobeg: "Uhh, right, Sir. Might I make a suggestion?"


*The group of gunslingers, the lone gunslinger, and the FREAKING GIANT WORM MONSTERS are uhh... still... approaching.*

Geb: "Narrator, shut up already. You're making this comedic discourse even worse. Let's just call it the author's control over time elements."


*Whatever. I don't even know why I do this job. It's not like I'll ever get recognition...*

Geb: "Hey, at least we're talking to you. It's not like the characters ever talk to the narrator in any *other* stories."


*True...*


Qhobeg: "Excuse me, could we get back to my suggestion? It's not like the group of gunslingers, the lone gunslinger and the FREAKING GIANT WORM MONSTERS are getting any farther away."


*Well.. actually they seem to be frozen in pla-*


Geb: "Shut up already! Jeez, you try to write a good story, and some lousy, smart-mouthed narrator's gotta come along..."


Qhobeg: "Ahem, anyway my suggestion?"


Sarn: "You're only a ensign. You can't make suggestions. Leave that up to the important crewmembers, such as, for example... The Captain."


*Sarn flourishes his hand in a "take charge" sort of gesture.*


Geb: "See? Now that's how a narrator's supposed to narrate."


*Shut up.*


Qhobeg: "Uhh, Sir. You don't understand. We have to retreat!"


Sarn: "No we don't. We've been standing here for almost 10 minutes now, and the group of gunslingers, the lone gunslinger, and the FREAKING GIANT WORM MONSTERS haven't gotten any closer. Why should we retreat?"


*Suddenly the group of gunslingers, the lone gunslinger, and the FREAKING GIANT WORM MONSTERS begin to close in on the group of heroes.*


Sarn: "You've got the be the worst narrator ever... No matter. While we've been talking, I've devised a brilliant plan to avoid the group of gunslingers, the lone gunslinger and the FREAKING GIANT WORM MONSTERS. We're going to hastily advance in... that direction."


*Sarn points away from the group of gunslingers, the lone gunslinger and the FREAKING GIANT WORM MONSTERS, in the way the group had been running originally.*


Qhobeg: "Oh, that's a brilliant plan... Captain."


*Qhobeg rolls his eyes sarcastically, but Sarn doesn't seem to notice.*


Sarn: "That's the attitude I like, Ensign. Keep that up and you'll see a career advancement."


Qhobeg: "Didn't the narrator say the group of gunslingers, the lone gunslinger, and the FREAKING GIANT WORM MONSTERS were closing in? We've been talking for like five minutes since then, and they're still not here. What gives?"


Geb: "Qhobeg, you're not making this any easier."


Qhobeg: "Right, sorry. Shall I lead the retrea- err... advance, Captain Cadpill?"


Sarn: "I'm the Captain. I'll lead the advance. First, we'll need to split into Firetea-"


*Geb screams suddenly. Sarn glances up in surprise.*


Sarn: "eh?"


Geb: "I had to distract you. We can't use that term, remember? We're low -budget. We can't afford to pay the royalties."


Sarn: "Well that's no good. We'll have to expend valuable time coming up with a new term."


Qhobeg: "Why don't we call them "Taskgroups" Sir?"


Sarn: "That's a horrible idea. Completely unoriginal. But fear not. I've thought of a perfect thing to call them while we've been standing here just now."


Qhobeg: "Right, and as the group of gunslingers, the lone gunslinger, and the FREAKING GIANT WORM MONSTERS have somehow *not* gotten closer to us."


Sarn: "eh?"


Qhobeg: "Nevermind. What's your plan, uhh... Sir?"


Sarn: "We'll call them "Task Groups."


*Sarn smiles smugly*


Qhobeg: "Wait, that's exactly what I wanted to call them, except you put a space between "task" and "groups."


Sarn: "Were you talking to me just now, Ensign? I didn't hear you say "Sir."


*Qhobeg rolls his eyes again. Sarn once again doesn't seem to notice and takes Qhobeg's silence for submission.*


Sarn: "Right then. Now, normally I would put a great deal of thought into the division of the Task Groups, but as we are pressed for time, we'll use two Task Groups. Task Group "A" will consist of Geb, TLTE, and myself. Task Group "B" will consist of everyone else."


Qhobeg: "Wait, I'm not in Task Group "A"? I've been a major part of this post."


Sarn: "True, but Task Group "B" is designed to be expendable, and you're an ensign. And besides, I don't much like you."


Qhobeg: "Pfft, It's a shame TLTE didn't shoot you earlier."


Sarn: "What was that, Ensign?"


Qhobeg: "Nothing, CAPTAIN."


Sarn: "Right then. Now listen up. Task Groups "A" and "B"! Advance!


*The two "Task Groups" advance away from the approaching group of gunslingers, the lone gunslinger and the FREAKING GIANT WORM MONSTERS, who seem to suddenly be right on their respective tails as this scene draws to a close. Will Sarn get back to his old self? Will Qhobeg lose his patience and murder Sarn first? Will the plot ever advance? Will... oh forget it. I'm getting a beer.*


Cool Matty: "What a stupid scene. We didn't even have any lines. As if anyone's going to believe that we just sat around the whole time while Geb, Sarn, and Qhobeg had a 20 minute conversation."


Miramu: "No kidding. And why did Sarn ever stop running in the first place?"


Sarn the Writer: "Ahem, guys. The scene's over, and you're supposed to be running."


Miramu: "Yeah, but we're not, and that's your fault. You're the writer."


*Suddenly, Miramu's pants fall down around her ankles. She stumbles in the dirt. All the members of Task Groups "A" and "B" turn around to face her, pointing and laughing.*


Miramu: "That wasn't funny."


*Miramu pulls her pants up unceremoniously*


Sarn the Writer: "hehe, yes it was. Wasn't it funny guys?"


*The heroes nod vigorously.*


Sarn the Writer: "See?"


Miramu: "Pfft, you just made them nod vigorously. They didn't really mean it."


Sarn the Writer: "So?"


Miramu: "Anyway, wasn't this scene supposed to be over? The narrator already went through his cliched closing questions."


Sarn the Writer: "True, but then I had an idea for this conversation."


Miramu: "Whatever. Are we ever gonna face the group of gunslingers, the lone gunslinger, and the FREAKING GIANT WORM MONSTERS or are we gonna just keep running? Because seriously between all of us and our powers and skills and whatnot, I think we could take them. And another thing. Why do we keep saying "group of gunslingers, the lone gunslinger and the FREAKING GIANT WORM MONSTERS" anyway? Why don't we just say "the villians" or something?"


Sarn the Writer: "Hey, I'm the writer. And you're a hero. I'll decide what you guys say. Clear, Miramu?"


Miramu: "Yes, insanely good looking master of everything."


Sarn the Writer: "Much better."


Miramu: "But... but... you just made me say that! I didn't really mean it! These working conditions are horrible! I demand a higher salary! I demand some recognition! I demand..."


*The curtain falls in front of Miramu and her cries are drowned out.*

“ Originally posted by Semievil333

Sem comes to the head of Task Group B and turns around. All the evil monsters and everyone in group A goes into timestop mode.


Sem: As group leader, I would like to take this time to lay out our gameplan.


Qhobeg: Why are you the leader?


Sem: Sarn just said so.


Qhobeg: I didn't hear him say so.


Sem: Hey Sarn, if you want me to be leader, just stand there and don't move!


Sarn stands frozen at the head of group A.


Sem: See?


CM: But he's in timestop! Speaking of, why is he in timestop?


Sem: Because I'm monologuing, or at least I would be if you would shut up. When the leader of a troop of villains monologues, the rest of the universe stops. Now, our job is to breach the fortress protecting Geb's lair, so that team A can res... err... kidnap the princess from the clutches... err... from the bliss of her wedding night. Tumbleweed here will go first to gather intelligence. Are there any questions?


CM: What about the approaching group of gunslingers, the lone gunslinger and the FREAKING GIANT WORM MONSTERS?


Sem: They will be on hold for the duration of this scene, and will pursue team A into the breached fortress for dramatic effect once our mission has been accomplished.


With that, Sem hurls the tumbleweed at the fortress gate, which the camera now pans to reveal has been right down at the bottom of this dune the whole time. Tumbleweed rattles indignantly as it bounces along and strikes the gate?


Voice behind the gate: Yes, yes, hello? Who is it?


A familiar pair of faces appear at the ramparts. It is Maybechild and Losien, along with a posse of unfriendly-looking Greenpeace operatives.


Maybe: Litterbugs!


With a horrified gasp at Tumbleweed Losien reaches down with a very long trash poker and stabs it, pulling it up and throwing it into a very large trashcan. It rustles pitiably, as the other members of team B duck out of sight, leaving Sem alone on the top of the dune.


Sem: Greenpeas! Let us into the fortress or we shall litter for a second time!


Losien: Hah! You cannot threaten us! All of the world's precious natural resources are safely guarded within these very walls!


Meanwhile (Total NeS count: Meanwhile, in base 36.... fine, about 74.56332 trillion for you base 10 freaks) Evil Geb is talking to a random underling.


E-geb: ...so I had all the world's water, animals and trees moved inside the fortress, and now Greenpeace guards it for free!


Cut back to team B, hiding behind a dune


Sem: Ok guys, we need a gameplan. Qhobeg, you go.


With that, Qhobeg is hurled unceremoniously down the dune. Thus exposed he is quickly riddled with bullets and dies immediately.


Qhobeg: Actually I'm not quite dead yet...


Fine, fine, you live, but let's spare the audience the obvious next few gags and just ignore you for the rest of the post.


Qhobeg: Aww...


By the time the camera pans back to Sem however, he is standing next to a large tree with a comically oversized herring.


Maybe: *gasp!*


Sem: I'll do it! I swear I will!


The Greenpeas open fire immediately, but the top of the dune is conveniently just out of range.


Losien: Stop shooting you idiots! That could be the last tree outside of captivity in the world!


Maybe: And that is a rare, endangered, comically oversized herring! I thought they were a myth!


Sem: Here CM, start chopping.


Losien: The tree!!!


Maybe: The herring!!!


Greenpeas: The humanity!!!!!!!


As CM takes his first swing the horrified Losien, followed swiftly by Maybe and the Greenpeas (which, by the way, would be an excellent name for a rock band) charge out of the fortress and up the dune to the rescue of the tree and fish. Too late they realize it was all a clever rouse: The tree is a cardboard standup and the fish is an inflatable pool toy, but they have left the fortress totally unguarded. Sem and the members of team B not engaged in cutting down cardboard trees sneak in the open gate and bolt it closed behind them.


Maybe: Gasp! Alarm! We have been foiled! We are defeated!


Greenpea #1: Shouldn't we execute the prisoner in revenge?


Losien: How would we do that? We were just defeated.


Greenpea #2: He's right here, unarmed! And we have guns!


Maybe: You're right, we should turn over our guns to him now that we have been defeated so totally defeated.


CM: Sweet!


Just as they load up CM with the last of their guns, Sem flings the doors of the fortress open to admit team A, followed shortly by the approaching group of gunslingers, the lone gunslinger and the FREAKING GIANT WORM MONSTERS. The Greenpeas, seeing their oppourtunity, immediately turn on the surrounded CM.


CM: Ehh... heheh... let me just... uhh what's that over there!?!? *poof*


Teleporting himself and his newfound arsenal back to the rest of team B inside the fortress, slams the gates shut and collapses, out cold.

”
“ Originally posted by Gebohq

Outside the gates, Maybechild whips out a walkie-talkie.


Maybe: Come in, Little Drummer Boy. This is Lead Singer, over.


"Little Drummer Boy": (through the walkie-talkie) Do you have to call me that?


Maybe: What? You're little. And that's something, coming from me. Get the band together and have them meet me at the Conviniently Abandoned Bar. Put signs up that we're gonna be playing soon.


LDB: Why? There's a reason it's abandoned, after all. No one will be there.


Maybe: Oh, people will be there, once they find out who's gonna be there. Also, tell Bob and Steve to open the gates.


LDB: Yes ma'am.


Maybe: Come on, Losien. We have some things to take care of...


---------------------------------------------------------

The camera swipes to the highest towers of Shattered Geb's palace.


(S.) Geb: Alright, those foolish heroes are within the city walls now. We won't need you in the VOAM room now. However, the two of us will be announcing our wedding day to the whole of the universe now, so you're going to come with me to the Villainous Announcements Studio.


Young: And if I don't?


(S.) Geb: Then I'll kill you here and now.


Young: You can't do that. My mother won't let you.


(S.) Geb: Willing to bet your life on that, here, so far away from your "mother?" Even if I don't kill you, there are other things I could do that would make you wish for death. Besides, I have a feeling you'll go along with me.


Young looks at the Shattered Geb as if he had read her mind. After a few moments, Young starts to walk, Shattered Geb walking beside her, though not holding her upper arm as he usually did. He gets out an index card and hands it to her.


(S.) Geb: You will say this when the man with the cue card signals you to. You should become familiar with it, as we'll be on the air shortly.


Young reads the card, then looks up with horror.


Young: So soon? But they'll never get here in time!


(S.) Geb: We'll see about that.


--------------------------------------------------------------

On the other side of the huge walls, Gebohq, The Last True Evil, Sarn Cadrill, Semievil, Ariana (carrying a heavily-wounded Qhobeg), Mimiru, Subaru, Sugarless, Rick, and The Otter continue running, taking little time to notice the massive, Eden-like city they were running through. CoolMatty teleports nearby and joins the mass-group again.


Rick: Is anyone else really thirsty?


Sugarless: I think I see a Denny's[Ext 1] farther down.


Rick: Um, is there another place we could go to?


Sugarless: What's wrong with Denny's?


TLTE: This isn't the time, people!


Semievil spots a Convinently Abandoned Bar nearby, with a sign that says "Now Playing: Maybechild and the Greenpeas!"


Sem: Quick, in there, before anyone notices!


Everyone piles into the bar. Had they known that a number of Greenpeace forces had captured and released the giant sand worm[Ext 2] back into "the wild where it belonged" and arressted the one group of gunslingers, the heroes might have taken their time. Had they known that the lone gunslinger snuck in the bar through the back, and known more about him... well, let's just say it's best they don't know.

The bar is, in fact, conviniently abandoned, save for a small hippie-like half-jazz half-rock'n'roll band playing on a stage, with Maybechild at the microphone singing. A few TVs hang behind the bar counter, turned on but now showing anything. The heroes sit in five tables clumped close together.


Sarn: Why did we stop here?


Sem: It's a good hiding place, for now, and we could use something to drink. And for those of you who don't know, Maybe's a friend of ours. Whatever she's doing here, she'll help us out.


Gebohq, upon seeing Maybechild, tried hiding in his seat rather pitifully.


CoolMatty: So... do we get drinks ourselves then?


CoolMatty's question goes unanswered though, as the TVs come to life. The music stops, and everyone pays attention to the monitors, which are showing what appear to be Gebohq (though known to everyone as the Geb of NeShattered). He is in a formal nightrobe attire, sitting in a old-fashioned leather chair next to a warmly-lit fireplace.


"Gebohq": Good evening, everyone. Most, if not all of you, know me as a hated villain of the world. For over a thousand years, whenever any shed of hope that goodness would come to your lives, I have been there to stop it. In recent times, however, I have been absent. I, with my great evil, had been the only thing keeping this world from dying. I abandoned my home in hopes of conquoring another world. But now... now I have returned a changed man, thanks to this young woman from that other world.


"Gebohq" stood up as he continued speaking, and held out his arms. Young, with her curly blue hair running past down her shoulders, stood beside "Gebohq," dressed in an incredible dress fit for a princess.


"Gebohq": A woman named Young, from that foreign world, changed my ways. Inspired by her own strength and beauty, I returned here, vowing to un-do the evil which I have caused over the centuries. With our combined power and love, we harnessed what little good and life there was in this world and brought it here, to start anew. We have brought people from the other world to guard our new Jerusalem -- if you will pardon my dramatic flair, for a new Jerusalem is the best I can describe my new home now. This change has happened practically overnight, so many of you may not yet realize how your home now looks.


The camera, which has been focused on "Gebohq" and Young, cuts to a sweeping shot high above a city in harmony with nature, with a blend of rivers and roads, forests and buildings alike spread across the landscape. Occasionally, we the readers see "outside" the broadcast, seeing the people in those streets looking up at large, horizontal (not vertical!) monitors hanging on the sides of buildings and between giant poles like banners.


"Gebohq": This is a place that can not be found anywhere but here, a place that can not be touched by the evils of old, not if I have anything to do about it. Soon, many people from that other world will come to help expand our new home across the whole of the earth once again. But that is only the beginning of this new 'age! One day, in our near future, we will unify our world and theirs in harmony. But before we can do that, we must finish the first chapter of this new 'age, with the forging of a covenant with my new love...


The camera cuts back to "Gebohq" and Young.


"Gebohq": To cut right to the point, I proposed to this lovely lady to marry me, and she accepted.


Young, whom up to this point had been standing complacently with vacent eyes at the camera, began to speak as if reading off from a cue card.


Young: I am happy to announce that our wedding will be held at noon, on the twenty-fifth of December, here at our home.


"Gebohq": That's right -- we're inviting EVERYONE who wants to come, including the workers from the other world. So please, welcome them to our home. Do not concern yourselves with their future as of yet. Let us all together celebrate with new love!


The TVs resume to their normal active but program-less states. Everybody looks worried.


Sugarless: I may not know much of what's going on here, but I know we better do something soon. We can't sit around here -- we don't have much time as it is.


Rick: Not to rain on your parade, but when's the last time any of you have eaten or drank anything? Slept? Taken a shower?


Everyone looks at Rick.


Rick: ...nevermind.


TLTE: The girl's right. We need to press on before it's too late.


Geb: I dunno...


Subaru: Don't MAKE me drag your butt all the way there, Geb!


Subaru grabs Gebohq by his arm and pulls him to the door, as the other heroes get up (some grudgingly) to follow. As Subaru opens the door, however, a mass of locals surround them.


Local #144: Look, it really IS him!


Local #69: And is that the woman Young with him?


The mob of locals start running to the door, and Subaru quickly runs back inside the bar with Gebohq, closing the door behind. She starts barring the door with chairs and tables.


Subaru: They think Geb's in here. Their Geb!


TLTE: How would they know? Unless--


Maybe: Unless someone told them? You're surrounded.


Sem: Uh, Maybe? What gives?


Losien enters from behind the bar.


Losien: Can I take your order?

”
“ Originally posted by The Last True Evil

TLTE's eyes lighten up instantly.


TLTE: Losien! I thought it was you -


He takes an involuntary step backwards as Geb's scorned sister leaps the bar and places her hands on her hips, Princess Leia[Ext 3] style.


TLTE: Oh, borscht. What have I done?


Losien: *******!


She slaps him viciously, and he takes an involuntary step backwards. The rest of the crowd watch this domestic dispute with uncharacteristic unease, considering all the horror and evil they face on a daily basis.


TLTE: What is it? It's not Valentine's day, is it?


SLAP! TLTE staggers backwards again.


Losien: Leaving me to fend for myself, in the middle of this hellhole, without sending a postcard...what kind of man ARE you?!


TLTE: But...you were the one who deciding to leave for parts unknown, darling, I didn't know where to -


Another terrific blow, and TLTE almost loses his footing as he stumbles away from his militant love interest. The crowd are banging noisily on the Conveniently Abandoned Bar's doors, but it sounds almost benign compared to the rough sound of hand forcibly applied to face.


TLTE: Wait, wait! Losien, моя любовь, мой little воробей; I haven't seen you for so long, and I've missed you. We're surrounded by friends here, and we have the potential opportunity to save millions of lives by stopping the plans of your brother's evil counterpart! We're OK! So, please...can't we resolve this without violence?


Losien smiles sweetly, the picture of innocence.

TLTE and the NeSHeroes relax, visibly calming.

Then - without ANY warning, and displaying her heroic potential - Losien deals a magnificent uppercut to TLTE, knocking him almost vertically off his feet and sending him crashing to the wooden floor where he smashes straight through, obliterating the floorboards and sending him hurtling into the unknown recesses of the bar.


CM: ....ouch.


Maybechild: Well, another happy couple resolves their issues within the boundaries of a peaceful discussion. Someone will have to get him out of the basement, then.


Losien's face changes, from the first time since she has appeared, from anger. It changes to blank confusion.


Losien: This bar doesn't have a basement.


----------------------------------------------------------------


TLTE returns to consciousness at about the point Losien utters these words. Her voice drifts to him vaguely, from about fifty feet above him.


TLTE: Where the hell am I?


He slowly pushes himself up to his elbows, wiping dust off his coat and pushing floorboads off his legs. TLTE is in a subterranean chamber, lying in a pool of light from the hole above him. Apart from that light, there is no illumination in the chamber, which can be seen - barely - to be made out of cinderblock. It looks almost like a dungeon...but in a city?


TLTE: Hello? Hello? Есть ли здесь русские?


Nothing, at first. Then, in a whispered voice:


Voice: Nearly time, now.


TLTE: What? Who said that?


Voice: 5...4...3...2...1...


And then, with a "whoosh" noise, approximately two dozen candleabras ignite into existence, betraying the darkness in an instant.

TLTE is in a small circular chamber with no discernable entry or exit, save the hole he crashed through. To one side of him is a small, makeshift bed - more a bundle of rags than a place to rest one's head. There are two small openings in the wall, but nothing more.

And standing in front of TLTE, quivering slightly with fear, is a little boy.

He cannot be older than 9 or 10, with straw-coloured hair and huge brown eyes that look fascinated and somehow pleadingly at TLTE's comparatively massive frame. His small hands are clasped in front of him, as if praying. Looking upon this frail-looking form, TLTE is seized by two immediate sensations. The first is intense pity for the boy. The second is the incomparable feeling that he is experiencing the most important moment of his life.


Boy: Please don't hurt me.


TLTE: ...what?


Boy: The candles go on every day, for exactly 12 hours, but you're not here when they do. You've never been here when they go on. Please don't hurt me.


TLTE: I...won't hurt you.


Boy: You promise?


He springs forward and grabs TLTE's old, weatherbeaten hand in his own two. The boy's hands look like tiny paws in TLTE's grasp.


Boy: Promise me that no matter what happens, you won't hurt me. I don't want to be hurt!


The young boy's earnest insistence makes TLTE grin with absurdity; but his cringing fear of harm tugs fiercely at the spymaster's heart.


TLTE: I will promise that, немного один, but I need your name.


Boy: Why? Will that make the promise bigger?


TLTE laughs heartily, but struggles to regain his seriousness.


TLTE: Da. It will make the promise "bigger".


The little boy smiles back eagerly, his eyes brilliant with joy as he replies.


Boy: My name is Amal, sir. And I'm nearly 11 years old.


TLTE gets onto one knee, still clasping his new acquaintance's hands, and looks sternly into his eyes.


TLTE: Well then: I promise you, Amal of nearly 11 years of age, that I will not hurt you for as long as I live.


Amal: Really?


TLTE: Or may the sky fall on me.


Absurdly, the little boy breaks free of TLTE's grasp and runs around his room, whooping and cheering, his tiny arms flailing in delight. TLTE smiles again, amazed at the unquenchably cheerful nature of this boy. After another pass, TLTE gently catches Amal and looks at him.


TLTE: Amal...how long have you been in this room?


Amal: Almost...


He does some counting on his fingers.


Amal: ...longer than I remember, sir.


TLTE: And who brought you here?


Amal: My uncle. He said it was the only place in the world that I could grow up to be a good boy. My uncle loves me very much!


TLTE glances around at the small, cell-like room that Amal has apparently spent his entire childhood in.


TLTE: Yes. I'm looking forward to meeting him. Very much.


Amal: Oh, he was here just the other day. I doubt that he'll come back for a few years now.


TLTE: Years!


Amal: Yes, he only comes to teach me new things every now and then. I take care of myself mostly - through that hole -


He points to one of the openings.


Amal: - comes all of my food and water, and through the other hole -


He points to the other.


Amal: - come books.


TLTE: Books? Just books?


Amal: Sometimes, magazines. But mostly books. Uncle taught me how to read, but now I can do it completely without him. When I turn 11 I'll be even better at reading!


He beams with pride. TLTE watches him, experiencing a feeling that had previously been denied to him, or fed to him in small quantities when he had been with Losien.

The feeling eluded articulation...and then, in a flash, he had it.


Amal: What are you doing here, sir? Did uncle send you to teach me something?


TLTE: No...no, Amal. But I...I think I've been looking for you.


Amal: Really? When did you lose me?


TLTE: About the beginning of my adult life. But I've found you again, and -


A burst of inspiration hits TLTE - a way to relate to the child in his realm of understanding.


TLTE: - and actually, your uncle has spoken to me. He has some great news, Amal.


Amal: Really?! What?


TLTE: You are nearly 11, and smart enough to come into the outside world.


Silence for almost a full minute. Then, the whooping and cheering begins again, redoubled to twice the intensity of before. TLTE watches the little boy celebrate, feeling, for the first time in his life, utterly content.

When Amal is finished, TLTE speaks again.


TLTE: I'm going to take you with me for a while. Then, when you've learned more, you can go back to your uncle and show him.


Amal: Oh, WOW! Thank you, sir...


TLTE: Please, call me "Tee-el-tee-ee." My friends do, and you'll be coming with them as well.


Amal: OK, TLTE. When do we go?


TLTE: Right now.


And as he turns his head to the shaft of light above and calls for a rescue, TLTE reflects on Amal, a young, promising life hidden beneath an uncaring city in the middle of a world of darkness and evil. He thinks about the feeling the boy has stirred in him, revived in his soul.

TLTE thinks of hope.

”

References

External References

  1. ↑ Denny's article, Wikipedia.
  2. ↑ Sandworm (Dune) article, Wikipedia.
  3. ↑ Princess Leia article, Wikipedia.
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