NeShattered Post 43

NeShattered Post 43
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Information
Thread	NeShattered
Page	NeShattered Page 2
Writer	Semievil333 the Writer
Timestamp	08-06-2006, 04:32 PM

FGDFSD

Post

“

Originally posted by The Last True Evil With a metaphysical bang, Sok, Sarn, and TLTE are suddenly stranded in the desert again. The very fabric of space and time bends and folds over itself to return the three heroes - and NeShattered itself - to where they were before the overwritten posts. Sok: Ow. I think that was an unpleasant experience, vaguely. Sarn: Did that just happen? TLTE: I...think it did. We're in a lot more trouble than we thought, comrades. Sarn: This evil Geb can unwrite NeShattered? Then how the hell are we supposed to save Young? How can we even fight him if he just...undoes it? TLTE: The simple answer is we can't. At least, not yet. Sok: Isn't our mere being here a liability, then? Couldn't he rewrite us into a volcano or something? TLTE sits on a sand dune, removing his overcoat, which seems unnecessary in their dry and desolate surroundings. He looks pensively at the wasteland around him, longing for the more aesthetically pleasing land of NeS. TLTE: Well, I suppose he could...but think more on the scale of stereotypical villainy. He has infinite power, apparently, but since he's never used it on us before we can only assume he can Wield here in NeShattered. Sok: And? TLTE: And...he's disturbingly good at it. Better than Gebohq; he's only managed to Wield once, to save us from the end of the original NeS. Sarn: This isn't good. This is reasonably far from anything that could be called a good situation. TLTE: BUT - everything I know so far about Gebohq's dark half tells me that he won't just blink us out of existence on a whim out here. The Gebiyl I know is a classic evil, amoral but principled in his own maniacal fashion. As long as we don't directly assault him, we're safe. For now. Sok: So...you're the oldest here. You've got some cunning. And some wrinkles. What should we do? Sarn: And don't say "get comfortable", because, you know, we're in a desert. TLTE: Well, tovarish, in the long-term we need to find a way to bypass Gebyil's Wielding power. Or to find someone who is immune to its effects. In the short-term...I'd say our best bet is to see who's on the camel approaching us. Sok: It's Sem...right? TLTE: Maybe. Maybe not this time...who knows what this bizarre thread has in store for us?

”

As the unruly creature under his saddle charged headlong across the dunes, Sem finally extracts himself from the unholy contraption and leaps from the camel as it passes Sarn, Sok and TLTE. As the beast charges away Sem rights himself and hails the others.

Sem: Just sit back and relax citizens...

TLTE: Comrades...

Sem: I'll soon have the situation in hand. Just sit back and relax while I bring in my super-spy tech!

Sem confidently begins reciting words of arcane power, lightning and clouds swirling around him. In a few moments a bright shiny new dune buggy sits before them. Clearly pleased with himself, he takes the drivers' seat.

Sem: See, it's all taken care of citizens.

TLTE: ...

Sem turns the key and with a sickening crunch the buggy lurches, emits a liver from the engine, and falls silent.

Sem: Ermn... yeah... I'll uh... have this running in just a second.

It becomes quickly apparent to everyone the moment that Sem props the engine cover that half of the engine has been replaced with what had been, until recently, a gerbil on a wheel.

TLTE: I'm no engineer, comrade, but I don't think that goes there.

Sem: We'll just uh... see about trying this again.

After summoning a biplane, helicopter, four dirt bikes, a submarine and a go-kart, all with similar malfunctions, Sem collapses on the sand.

Sarn: I think I know what's going on here. Sem, do you remember taking Villain Technology 248: Theory of Comedic Failure back in hero school?

Sem: Vaguely... I think I kept staring across the hall at Damsel Technique 470: Distress; Theme and Variation.

Sarn: Well, you know how villain technology always works until it needs to, and hero technology never works until it does? I think the same thing is happening here.

Sok: But... we're heroes... and we need to get out of the desert so we don't die, right?

Sarn: Exactly. I think what's happened here is that NeShattered has had it's polarity reversed. The Evil Geb has weilded the story here so long that the NeS fabric itself has begun to see villains and heroes in reverse.

TLTE: So essentially you're saying we're screwed in every possible plotline, and that your exposition was merely an academic way to pass the time while we wait to be unwritten again?

Sarn: Precisely... oh... damn...

Sem: No, wait, I think you're on to something here. What's the most impractical yet clearly evil mode of cliche villain transportation ever used?

Sok: The Death Star?

Sem: Close.

Sem drops to the ground and starts piling sand, summoning cokes to make it stick as a child might use seawater at the beach. It takes nearly an hour, but at last the creation is complete.

TLTE: A sand castle?

Sem: No. A dark fortress.

Sok: I see... uh... even granting your bizarre fantasy that a three-foot pile of sticky sand is a 'dark fortress', how exactly does this constitute a mode of transportation?

Sem: Because, dear disbeliever, it rests atop a Floating Continent!!!

As he says the words the desert beneath them in a 10 foot circle tears free, and floats upward, revealing a solid stone bottom which they all felt certain had not been under them a moment before. As they choose a direction and head off, the camera pans to abuse perspective in a night impossible way, making the heroes appear to be atop the ramparts of the great fortress of sand and coke for just a moment before giving it up.

Sem: You see? The plot can be fooled into allowing us to defeat Evil Geb if we but keep our wits about us.

TLTE: So essentially you're saying we're waiting for Evil Geb to notice us, and that your little trick here with the plot was merely an academic way to pass the time while we wait to be unwritten again?

Sem: ... You suck.

TLTE: At least I'm a spy for a real country.

Sem: ... You suck.