NeShattered Post 42 opens with Gebiyl (who also goes by the names "Evil Geb", "Shattered Geb" and later "Evil G") disguised as the main series version of himself, Gebohq Simon. He then touches Morthrandur and his appearance changes to match Morthrandur, demonstrating this trick to transform his appearance at a touch. After he turns back into his Gebohq guise, he admits to Young he would like to turn into her during the Evil Wedding he is forcing on her. He also reminds everyone that he currently wields the NeSword, the 'dark blade thingy?' and is in control of the Everending-Plot. They are then joined by cliché minions, the Nazi-alien-cyborg-zombie-robot-ninja-clones. Evil Geb orders them to find the NeS Heroes and to take Gebohq Simon captive, but kill the rest. However, a momentary glitch in the Story causes the moment in time to repeat itself, though slightly differently, wherein Evil Geb demands that the minions absolutely slay all the heroes except for Gebohq Simon. This is Evil Geb Story-wielding with immense power over NeShattered. The fabric of NeShattered resumes and Evil Geb wants to check out the wedding cake. In the Shattered Writers' Realm, Gebohq the Writer is surprised to learn that the Shattered Writers' Realm exists, but when Tracer the Janitor asks if it's because of the shattered glass nearby, Gebohq the Writer suddenly gebs it. Earlier, The Last True Evil the Writer overhears Cool Matty the Writer stating that Cool Matty, the Character, would defeat Arkng Thand with a tank. Mimiru, and then Agent Tumbleweed, point out that tanks can't appear from nowhere, the logic bomb that Cool Matty feels always happens to him. So Cool Matty runs over the tumbleweed and confronts Arkng Thand. The Last True Evil the Writer finally peers into Cool Matty the Writer's cubicle to find he isn't writing a post, but playing with action figures that he says will be his next post. He admits that the ball of dust serving as Agent Tumbleweed was originally an actual tumbleweed, which ended up being burnt when he tried to enact a post with Cool Matty and Moses. Cool Matty the Character, as an action figure, pulls the trigger on the tank and it fires, blowing a hole in the wall of the office. Cool Matty the Writer reveals that it is a real tank, just shrunk down. Tracer the Janitor arrives and in angry over the broken glass. Cool Matty the Writer blames the Narrator and the Narrator is forced to run away with Tracer the Writer chasing him. A moment later, however, and Cool Matty the Writer is transported to the Shattered Writers' Realm where he meets Shattered Cool Matty the Writer and Shattered Last True Evil the Writer. The two Cool Matty the Writers begin talking about the model tank, while Shattered Last True Evil the Writer complains that they were trying to talk about a great paradox event. They blame the Narrator for there being two Cool Matty the Writers and the only way to resolve the situation is with a plothole, which swallows all of the Writers. The Random Audience Members complain about this, wanting to know about the paradox explanation and they tell the Narrator to run back to Neverending Story 2. In the Story Realm of NeShattered, The Last True Evil, Sok Munkey and Sarn Cadrill meet Semievil in the NeShattered Desert, who had just arrived in NeShattered Post 41. However, their text is crossed out and preceded by the affirmation that reality has been altered, linking back to Evil Geb's Story-wielding and causing a glitch in the Story Realm. Semievil tells them that he's currently working as a secret agent and that Cool Matty gave the camel to him. Helicopters with the cliché minions suddenly arrive and Semievil tries his 'diplomatic immunity', but the minions don't listen. The heroes surrender, especially because Sarn desperately wants water. The heroes are taken alive and bundled onto the helicopter - or they would have been, except for the alteration to the Narrative. Back with Evil Geb and Young, he shows her the colossal chocolate cake for their Evil Wedding, but tells her not to touch it as it contains cyanide, hoping the heroes would eat it. He then shows her two figurines meant to stand on the wedding cake, one that looks like Gebohq Simon and the other looks like Young. They are not standing side-by-side, instead the male is holding up the female above him and when Evil Geb activates the figurines, the 'object collection' tune from The Legend of Zelda plays, reducing Young to an object and not a woman. He climbs up ladders to put them on the top and the cake growls, so he explains that it's a sentient wedding cake. Young distracts him, telling him there's a hair on the cake, before pushing the ladders over, knocking him down, and making a run for it. He chases after her, however the Story has there been edited too. He catches her and is about to hit her, but his minions call to tell him they have captured the heroes. He had expected them all to die, but decides to head to the helipad to deal with the heroes himself. He finds that they do not have Gebohq Simon with them, but is then taken by surprise as the four heroes, The Last True Evil, Sok Munkey, Sarn Cadrill and Semievil attack him, disguised as his minions. He is fiercely wounded, but before they could finish him off he uses the NeSword to cut fabric of reality and alter the Narrative, which has been seen throughout this Post. Now that reality has been reset in his favour, Evil Geb rises to his feet and is alone on the helipad.
S. Geb: What are you talking about? I'm obviously the good Geb! See the obviously NOT-evil outfit I'm wearing? The lack of a mechanical hand? My laughable idiocy?
You got one of those right. You've not very good at playing innocent.
S. Geb: Hey, it'll work well enough for my purposes. I'm going to milk this doppleganger bit for all its worth! And just to confuse everyone...
*S. Geb touches Morthrandur, upon which S. Geb's appearance changes to look like Morthrandur's.*
S. Geb: Oh look! Now which one of us is the real freaky tall, dark, mystical spirit-type?
*S. Geb's appearance as Morthrandur then dissolves back to reveal himself, still in Gebohq's body.*
S. Geb: I really hope I get to use that trick at some point during this wedding! Maybe I'll figure out how to look like you, Young! That'd be hot.
*Young does her best to inch away from S. Geb.*
Uh-huh... you're going to be a real threat to the good guys...
S. Geb: Hey! Let's not forget that I'm on home turf here, and that I weild the NeSword, the dark-blade-thingy, and quite possibly other absurdly powerful items, AND that I have the Ever-ending Plot under my control! In my MIIIIIIND! ...I think.
Thanks for the reminder, abuser of the meta-fictional elements.
Morthrandur: Geb, do you feel that?
*S. Geb looks up, suddenly still.*
S. Geb: Hmm... yes. It would seem that some of our guests are already here. COME FORTH, DISPOSABLE OVERLY-CLICHED MINIONS!
*A legion of Nazi-alien-cyborg-zombie-robot-ninja-clones enter, and their chief marches up to S. Geb and salutes.*
S. Geb: Go north, about a hundred or so miles from here. Look for a motley group of hero-types. They'll stand out, here in NeShattered. One of them will look like me. Bring him to me. Kill the others.
*The chief salutes again, and leads his legion away.*
The fabric of the story suddenly rips violently for a nearly inperceivable amount of time, as if a scene were poorly added into a movie.
S. Geb: Do not capture the others alive. Kill them! That is your primary objective!
Chief minion: Yes sir!
The fabric of the story rips again in a similar matter.
S. Geb: Now, let's have a look at the wedding cake...
|“||Originally posted by Cool Matty
Meanwhile, in the Shattered Writers' Realm...
GebtW: Wait, now there's a shattered writer realm?
Sure... why not?
TracerTheJanitor: Are you sure it doesn't happen to be because there's broken GLASS back there?
Erm... uhhh... *gebs it*
GebtW: Hey, that's trademarked! Come back here!
CMtW: Go CM! Destroy the evil Thand! ... Wait, something is missing.... oh that's right. Every time I do something cool, someone has to pull a logic card. I better explain that away properly!
TLTEtW draws ever closer to the cubicle... now able to see the top of CMs head over the walls
CMtW: So Mimiru exclaims that CM cannot do that. But even more dramatically and amazingly, the TUMBLEWEED exclaims: "That's not possible! It defies all logic! There is absolutely NO way an Abrams tank could appear here instantly like that!"
TLTEtW takes a moment to recover from the irony, then begins to hear what sounds like light banging and shuffling noises.
CMtW: "Don't ruin the moment!" Cried CM, as he rolled over the obviously terrorist tumbleweed. He then rolled right into the 8th dimension, and onto Arkng's desk. "How's this for VILLAINY, ARKNG!?" CM called, as the tank lowered its 120mm M256 smoothbore gun at the old man's head.
TLTEtW finally reaches the cubicle, and sees what exactly CMtW was doing.
TLTEtW: Are those... dolls?
CMtW: huh what?! No! No these aren't dolls! These are ACTION FIGURES!
TLTEtW: They... look like dolls.
CMtW: I'm telling you, they're ACTION FIGURES!
TLTEtW: Alright, alright. But what in the WORLD are you doing with them?
CMtW: Simple! I am reenacting my next awesome post!
TLTEtW: And you're planning on blowing Arkng's head off?
CMtW: How did you know I'd blow his head off?
TLTEtW: The head's already detached from the doll...
CMtW: ... Oh.
TLTEtW: So these are all supposed to be the characters in the post?
TLTEtW: So what's that huge dust bunny over there?
CMtW: The one that looks like it got ran over by the M1A1 Abrams Tank?
CMtW: Oh... it's AGENT TUMBLEWEED! He was a TERRORIST, so I RAN HIM OVER.
TLTEtW: Your action figure kit didn't have one for tumbleweeds?
CMtW: It did... but I burnt it when I tried to make my Moses CM post. Stupid burning bush....
CMtW: Look, you're interrupting me! Now, as I was saying!
Okay, CM readies to fire the gun. The TERRORIST TUMBLEWEED, in his last breaths, asks if attacking Thand is the right thing to do.
CM, of course, replies: "When in doubt, KILL IT WITH FIRE!" CM then pulls the trigger, removing Thand's head with a resounding "BOOM!"
Suddenly, the toy tank fires, and blows a huge hole in the office space, blowing out the closest window, and knocking over a bunch of cubicles.
TLTEtW: Jesus! What the hell was that?!
CMtW: It's a 1/10th scale of the Abrams tank! I wouldn't settle for anything less than FULLY OPERATIONAL 1/10th scale!
TLTEtW: Wait, so it actually fires? What the hell!
TracerTheJanitor: What was that loud boom.... oh god. I am NOT cleaning this up! Who did it?!
TLTEtW: Well, it was good old bright-idea...
CMtW: The narrator did it! I saw him! He said what happened word for word!"
TLTEtW: What?! But you did the actual...
CMtW: See! The narrator even described the way the glass broke!
Hey, this isn't right!
TracerTheJanitor: Is that so? Well, we can't have that. Okay narrator, it's cleaning duty for you!
Hey, don't give me your mops! Stop! Ah! *gebs it*
TracerTheJanitor: Damn, I'll catch him!
CMtW: So anyway, after being blown to BITS by the ABRAMS TANK, CM continues his victory march all the way to EeP, to fight and kill him with the best tank in the world! Hahahahaha!
TLTEtW: ... I really need to find a new place to work.
Suddenly, CMtW comes tumbling through a portal that rapidly appears and disappears afterwards.
CMtW: AAAAAAHHHH! *THUMP*
CMtW: Holy crap that was a long fall!
CMtWShattered: Wha..who are you?!
CMtW: I should be asking YOU the same thing!
CMtWS: I am a writer for NeS!
CMtW: No, I am!
CMtWS: How could you be? I've been writing all the posts up to now!
CMtW: No way, I have!
CMtW looks down at the desk of CMtWS. He then spots...
CMtW: Is that a 1/10 scale replica of the M1 Abrams tank?
CMtWS: Yes it is! And it's fully functional!
TLTEtWShattered: Now WAIT a SECOND! We were on to some great paradox discussion here, and then you switch to talking about tanks! I am NOT letting you derail again, CM!
CMtW: I never derailed you, I don't even know you!
TLTEtWS: Not you, the ... OTHER you!
CMtW: Oh, right.
CMtW: So anyway, this tank is amazing! It's using a replica 1/10 scale 120mm M256 smoothbore gun modified by the Rheinmetall Waffe Munition GmbH of Germany to fire 12mm minishells! The gun is reinforced with a special high-grade alloy that allows for far greater strength at such a small scale. The controls system is exact model, but features an extension which allows for remote operation! The armor is steel encased depleted uranium, using a special polymer coating to maintain its sheen for display purposes, but also without damaging or weakening the armor itself. The entire tank has been fitted with a special replica of the TUSK field modification kit, and has an advanced miniture fire control computer! Every single part of this replica has been modified or enhanced in some way to eliminate weak points or design flaws!
CMtWS: Wow, you like Abrams just like I do!
TLTEtWS: This doesn't answer how both of you could be writing the same posts! We are the writers, there can't be TWO of us! That'd be like a plot hole or something! We can't have plot holes or paradoxes in the Writers' Realm! There is a reason it's called "THE WRITERS' REALM"!
CMtWS: You know, there's only one person to blame for this. Someone who transcends all paradoxes and plot holes!
CMtW: The Q?
CMtWS: THE NARRATOR!
Umm... I didn't do anything!
CMtWS: Yes you did! You created a paradox! There's multiple "us's" now!
CMtW: Wait, if that's right, there's only one way for a paradox to solve itself!
TLTEtWS: You don't mean...
Suddenly, a plot hole appears, swallowing all of the writers.
Random Audience Member: Hey, what the hell? You can't do that!
Watch it, I'll turn you into a puppy! I can do whatever I please!
RAM2: This is bull, I'm leaving!
RAM3: Yeah, you suck!
RAM: I wanted to hear what TLTEtWS's explanation was!
RAM3: You know what I think? I think the narrator doesn't even know what's going on.
RAM2: I bet you're right!
Argh, forget it! I am outta here!RAM: That's right, tuck your tail, and run back to NeS2, before we throw some logic on ya!
(S.) Geb: Behold! Our wedding cake!
Shatterred Geb pulls a chord, which draws an elegantly evil curtain to reveal what could quite possibly be the world's largest wedding cake ever made. Random chef-types are running around the wedding cake, placing the final touches on it. Young gazes upward, wide-eyed but otherwise still. The evil Geb swells with pride.
(S.) Geb: Only the finest for our wedding, my bride-to-be. A giant, triple-chocolate-chip cookie sits at the base. The cake itself is filled with decadent death-by-chocolate layers, with wicked white choclate frosting and covered in corruptingly-choice chocolate sauce. For some devious decoration, strawberries and pineapples line it's edges--DON'T TOUCH!
He smacks Young's hand away from the cake, who looks hurt.
(S.) Geb: This cake is not for eating! It's meant to lure those idiotic hero-types into a false sense of security and hunger. There is trace amounts of cyanide in the choclate...probably some other nasty things too. I don't want you dying on me before your time, little girl.
Young looks at Shattered Geb, who continues to glare at her with the darkest of eyes. His murderous stare flickers away, and once again, he smiles with a slightly crazed happiness. He grabs something small off a nearby table.
(S.) Geb: And look! What would a wedding cake be without one of these?
Young examines what Shattered Geb is holding. In his hands, a traditional wedding cake figurine that appears to be a smaller version of Gebohq in a tux fitting of him. The figurine is holding another figurine above its head, and it appears to be a smaller version of Young in a traditional white wedding dress. She's not certain, but the Geb figurine appears to be looking upward...
(S.) Geb: This part's my favorite.
(S.) Geb: I'll just put this on top of the cake...
Climbing up the ladder, Shattered Geb pracariously places the figurines on top. A distinct growling is heard from the cake.
(S.) Geb: Oh, did I forget to mention? This cake is sentient. It has flamethrower candles, a mobile cart that it sits on for its own movement, throwing knives at its disposal, and... well, I'll just leave the rest a surprise for now, hmm?
Young: Is that a hair on the cake?
(S.) Geb: A hair? Where?
Young then pushes the ladder over, sending Shattered Geb toppling to the ground. She then makes a break for it and exits through the nearest door.
(S.) Geb: Grr... time to go get her. Again...
Some time soon after, the fabric of the story rips apart in an almost imperceivable amount of time...
S. Geb: GOT YOU! You miserable little brat...
Shattered Geb grabs Young by the arm, winding up a pimp-style backhand slap with his free hand.
S. Geb: Why I oughta--
S. Geb: Always at the worst times... *answers cellphone* What is it? ...WHAT? You CAUGHT them? But you're supposed to be disposable overly-cliched minions! Disposable! ...well no, of course it's a good thing! ...no...no-- of course I was worried about the safety of you all... *S. Geb gives Young a wink* ...yes, meet me at the landing pad. Fearless leader out!
Young: You wanted your own men to die?
S. Geb: That was their JOB! And now they've gone and captured the heroes? Well, I don't see why I shouldn't take this opportunity to be overwhelmingly over-confident in my apparent fortune... You stay here.
Shattered Geb brandishes the NeSword and makes his way to the landing pad. He arrives just as the vehicle is landing. The helicopter door opens, and Semievil and Sarn Cadrill are escorted out by two of the disposable, overly-cliched (and conviniently masked) minions.
S. Geb: Where's Geb? I told you to bring him back to me, you incompetant--
One of the disposable, overly-cliched minions raises a machine gun and fires at Shattered Geb. Shattered Geb attempts to evade the bullets, but there are too many, and some puncture through his stomach. He falls to the ground, bleeding, as the minions unmask themselves to be The Last True Evil and Sok Munkey. All four heroes surround Shattered Geb, as The Last True Evil pulls out his Smith and Wesson[Ext 3] .
TLTE: And here I thought you'd put up more of a fight. Your death will be pleasantly anti-climatic.
S. Geb: Not today!
With all the energy his dying body could muster, he swings the NeSword towards The Last True Evil, cutting a swath into the very fabric of the story itself...
Shattered Geb picks himself off the floor of the helicopter landing pad. He is alone, with no helicopter in sight, and though there are no wounds on him, he appears somewhat exhausted. A psychotic smile spreads across his face.
S. Geb: Oh how I love playin' on the home field...
"The tune[Ext 1] that plays for the wedding cake figurines, with the Evil Geb figure holding Young figure aloft, is from The Legend of Zelda[Ext 4] and is the collecting of items from a chest, reducing Young to an object." ~ Britt the Writer