The Plothole
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The Plothole


In NeS3 Post 79, the NeS Heroes are walking through the streets of Underwateropolis, guided by Shoggoth guards. The heroes are feeling afraid due to the monstrous things lurking in the eldritch city, but when some residents hear the Narrator call them 'things', they start to complain and argue. One resident had been expecting heated towels and geraniums when they moved to this city. Fearing she would lose 'badass points', Newb pretends she is fine. Losien thinks this is all her fault, but Char reminds her she thinks everything is her fault. Yet Newb does want someone to blame for all this. Char believes that the only hope for their escape lies with CopyKAT, who is still transformed into a Shoggoth, as the Shoggoth believe CopyKAT is their ancient kin. Wai laments that their hopes lie with a dog, though Newb points out it could be worse - they could be relying on Aladdyn. Char further explains that the Shoggoth are confused by what CopyKAT seems to be saying to them, though they know this is because CopyKAT is merely barking and not truly speaking. Char reveals that they have a language translation module allowing them to understand what the Shoggoth are saying, in their barking-like language. Aladdyn comes up with the plan that they should pretend to be the dog by doing the 'word' that he can't remember. This draws ire from Wai and Newb, but Losien suddenly gets it - ventriloquism. She proposes that they remove Char's voice box and put it in CopyKAT's mouth, and through it Char can pretend to be the copied-shoggoth. Char protests at the indignity of it. Newb maliciously proposes that Char could ask the Shoggoth to have a 'tumble in the hay', suggesting they have sex with CopyKAT. Aladdyn, thinking rolling in the hey is fun, asks if Newb would like to roll in the hey with him, but she declares only when pigs fly - to which Aladdyn announces he looks forward to it. Hearing this, Wai mockingly suggests she should just close her eyes and think of England when the time comes, after which she explodes in a verbal tirade, during which she affirms she is not from England, but Russia.

Post

Barking

The NeS Heroes were marched through the city. The buildings were only buildings by default of this being a city. They appeared more like eerie, swaying rocks with holes in them. And things moving within them…


Random Thing #1: “Oi! I resent being labelled as a ‘thing’!”


Random Thing #2: “I think I’m more of an unknowable fiend, myself.”


Random Thing #3: “I think I’m more of a wotsit[Ext 1].”


The other things looked at this third one.


Random Thing #1: “Like the cheesy puffs?”


Random Thing #2: “I definitely don’t feel like a cheesy puff.”


Random Thing #1: “I dunno. You are a bit squishy. And you smell.”


Random Thing #2: “We live in an ominous, underwater, eldritch city! What did you expect!?”


Random Thing #3: “Heated towel racks.”


The other things looked at this third one. Again.

Random Thing #2: “What?”


Random Thing #3: “You asked what I was expecting by living here. I was expecting heated towel racks. But no.”


Random Thing #1: “I think Random Thing #3 has a cheesy puff for a brain.”


Random Thing #3: “And I expected potted plants. Geraniums.”


Below, the heroes’ faces went white as they heard a hideous howl from one of the buildings where the things dwelt.


Newb: “Do I lose badass points if I admit I’m pissing my knickers with fright?”


Wai: “A bit, yeah…”


Newb: “I am totally okay with everything that is happening right now!”


Losien: “Why do I feel like this is all my fault?”


Char: “Because you always think everything is your fault.”


Wai: “It doesn’t matter whose fault it is. How are we going to get out of this?”


Newb: “I dunno. I could use someone to blame right about now.”


Char: “I fear that the only real way for us to get out of this situation safely is for our esteemed canine companion to get us out.”


Wai: “So we have to rely on a dog to save us?”


Newb: “Well, it could be worse.”


Wai:How!?”


Newb: “We could be relying on Aladdyn…”


A few metres away, Aladdyn was prancing along the street; rolling, jumping, hiding (badly) and suddenly running for new cover. Humming the Mission: Impossible tune [Ext 2]the whole way.


Wai: “I will take your point.”


Losien: “How can we get CopyKAT to help, Char?”


Char: “I don’t have any answers for you, Ms Simon. But… the Shoggoths seem to find him most perplexing.”


Newb: “How can you know that? I can’t understand them now they’re all barking at each other.”


Char: “That’s the thing. They believe CopyKAT is speaking their ancient tongue. But… well he isn’t, is he? We all know he’s just barking like a dog. So, they can’t understand what he’s saying.”


Losien: “Because he isn’t saying anything. Just barking!”


Newb: “But how do you know they can’t understand him?”


Char: “My translation module is working just fine.”


Wai: “You have a translation module!?”


Char: “I am a medical robot, Wai. It wouldn’t do if I couldn’t understand the person I’m trying to operate on!”


Losien: “Uh, I find it more troubling that you would need to communicate with someone while you’re operating on them, Char!”


Newb: “Why didn’t you tell us you could understand them, you pile of bolts!?”


Wai: “Oi! That’s offensive!”


Newb: “Your haircut’s offensive!”


Wai: “Hey! Now that’s personal!”


Newb: “The monk-cut wasn’t cool, even in the Dark Ages.”


Wai: “Why you-!”


Char chimed in with his answer, mostly to diffuse the situation;


Char: “I didn’t mention it before, because they were speaking in English. Remember?”


Losien: “But can’t you communicate with CopyKAT?”


Char: “No. As we agreed, he isn’t talking. He’s just barking. It isn’t a language.”


Losien: “Fudge.”


Char: “Of course, when his barks translate in to Shoggoth, he’s mostly speaking gibberish.”


Losien: “Oh?”


Char listened and translated;


Char: “Banana pie. Bring your fedora. Wild fax machine. Hiccoughing bench press.”


Losien: “Can’t you tell them to let us go?”


Char: “They will only listen to CopyKAT.”


Aladdyn: “OH! WHY DON’T YOU PRETEND TO BE THE DOG!?”


Char: “I will not get on all fours, Mr Quirk.”


Aladdyn: “No! I mean… like… that word!”


Newb: “Genius, Al. Genius.”


Aladdyn: “I know, right!?”


Wai: “Maybe you should let the adults talk now, Aladdyn…”


Losien: “Holy… crap! He’s right!”


Everyone else is aghast. Even Char.


Char: “Now, now, Losien. Let’s not jump to—”


Losien: “He means ventriloquism!”


Aladdyn: “I do? I thought I meant vascular system…”


Losien: “You, Char, speak for CopyKAT! Can your voice box be put somewhere else? Like, inside CopyKAT’s Shoggoth mouth?”


Char: “Losien! That would be most—undignified!”


Newb was grinning and giggling with malicious glee.


Newb: “You should tell the other Shoggoth that CopyKAT is totally up for a tumble in the hay!”


Aladdyn grinned at Newb, with a more innocent glee.


Aladdyn: “I love rolling around in hay! Want to roll around with me!?”


Newb cringed.


Newb: “When pigs fly.”


Aladdyn: “Yeah! I look forward to it!”


It was Wai’s turn to proffer up a cruel smile.


Wai: “Just close your eyes and think of England[Ext 3].”


Newb: “I’m not--! I’m from Russia, you ^**^&%*&$())%^&%*$!”


Losien: “That… was quite the tirade.”


Char: “I think she just broke my audio processor…”

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