The Plothole
The Plothole


NeS3 Post 52 opens with Newb remarking that the mousetraps, which have kept the heroes in Honeybee's cabin since NeS3 Post 47, have stopped and they're free to go outside again. Iriana wonders if she puts enough tea leaves into the ocean, would the ocean turn to tea. Newb asks how many tea leaves Iriana actually has, afraid of the answer. Losien mumbles through her bandages, which she was wrapped in in NeS3 Post 51 after setting herself alight with Nintendo Power in NeS3 Post 49. Newb is pleased that nobody can understand Losien, which irritates Losien until she moves her bandages enough to finally speak and ask what happened to Wai. It isn't long before Wai bursts into the cabin, but Honeybee asks him to be more careful with her 'tender parts', embarrassing everyone. Wai backs out of the room and bursts in again, though more softly with the door. He yells that there are pirates outside, though Char thinks the possibility of pirates is quite rare. Losien, on the other hand, thinks it's only expected of a Story featuring the ocean and that the only thing missing is a tremendous storm. A second later and Wai screams that there is a storm incoming too. Losien knows that the cannons on the ship are for firing clowns, so asks if there are any water cannons or even giant squirty flowers to stop the pirates getting onboard. Newb tells Losien to relax because she already boobytrapped the ship. Outside, Aladdyn is waving at the Somali Pirates that are approaching before they fire at him. They get onboard and want to know where the cargo is, but Aladdyn can only remark that there may be old clothes onboard, from NeS3 Post 43. Suddenly pirates start to go down, screaming and they realise the ship is boobytrapped. It takes them a short while to figure out the deadly traps are the worst of all - LEGOs. Many pirates were lost that day as they retreat in terror.

Post

Of Course There's Pirates

Newb looked out of the circular cabin window.


Newb: “Well, at least the rain of mousetraps is over. None of them are left. That’s lucky too, else those Greenpeace guys would come back for polluting the ocean.”


Char: “Again.”


Iriana: “If I put enough tealeaves into the ocean, would it turn all to tea!?”


A moment of silence.


Newb: “How many tealeaves do you have?”


Losien: “Mmmhpmmmh?”


Newb looked at Losien with glassy eyes.


Newb: “I am so happy right now.”


Losien: “Mmh?”


Newb: “It’s like… beautiful silence.”


Losien: “Mmhdhsdhs!!!”


Losien struggled to shift her bandaged face.


Losien: “Can you hear me now?”


Newb: “Oh Lord, why have you forsaken me?”


Losien’s mouth, the only thing anyone can see now, grimaced.


Losien: “I was asking where Wai went?”


Newb: “Oh, he went into another room because he thinks he’s a secret spy going to Mars.”


Losien: “I confess, that’s not the strangest thing I’ve ever heard. And that worries me.”


Newb: “You’re currently a bandaged mummy after you spontaneously combusted.”


Losien: “I should have been more careful with Nintendo Power!


The door slammed open and Wai burst back into the room. Iriana gasped and almost dropped her tea.


Honeybee: “You shouldn’t be so rough with my tender parts, dear.”


Uncomfortable silence as everyone recalls that they’re inside a very naughty-minded female ship.


Wai: “Uh…”


Char: “Was there an emergency, Wai?”


Wai: “Right! Yes! Sorry! Honeybee threw me off. Hold on.”


He backed up out of the room.


Losien: “Is this really necessary?”


Wai burst in again, although he was a little more delicate with the door. Iriana gasped and almost dropped her tea again.


Newb: “Really, Iri? You knew he was going to do that.”


Wai: “PIRATES!”


Everyone jumped to attention this time.


Losien: “We should have known. We’re at sea on a ship. I can’t believe it’s taken so long! Of course there’s pirates!”


Char: “I’m pretty sure the chances of meeting actual pirates is very slim.”


Losien: “What? It’s all but guaranteed! Ship, ocean, pirates. All we need is rough seas and we have the complete set-up for every sea-story ever written.”


Char: “We don’t live in a—”


Wai: “STORM!!”


Char just tutted.


Losien: “There’s no weapons, right? Just the human cannons? What about water cannons?”


Newb: “Water cannons?”


Losien: “Like in that movie with Tom Hanks[Ext 1]!”


Newb: “What movie?”


Losien: “I don’t know, I only saw the trailer. It looked really boring.”


Newb: “Uncultured swine!”


Losien: “You don’t even know what movie I’m talking about! Heck, I don’t even think you watch movies!”


Newb: “I’m too cool for movies. I have too many broody monologues on my mind for stupid things like that.”


Losien: “Honeybee!”


Honeybee: “Yes?”


Losien: “What about giant squirty flowers!?”


Newb: “Hold your horses there, Ms Stick-up-ass.”


Iriana: “Newb!”


Newb: “What? You can practically see it sticking out of those bandages.”


Losien: “What!?”


She fumbled with her wrappings, prompting Newb to snicker. Losien crossed her arms.


Losien: “I would smack you, but I can’t see you.”


Newb: “Idle threats.”


Losien: “We need to stop the pirates from getting on-board!”


Newb: “Don’t worry. It’s already taken care of.”


Losien: “What do you mean?”


Newb grinned devilishly.


Newb: “I set traps!”


Losien: “You did!? Not the mousetraps?”


Newb: “Much, much worse and far, far more deadly.”


Char: “Oh dear…”




Outside, the Somali pirates are waving their rifles angrily at Aladdyn, who is on the deck. Aladdyn waves back.


Aladdyn: “Hullo! Enjoying a boat ride?”


One of the pirates fired off his gun, prompting Aladdyn to duck down.


Aladdyn: “How wude.”


It was moments before a grappling hook was over the railings and the Somali pirates were climbing on-board. In the distance a storm was encroaching…

One held a gun at Aladdyn.


Somali Pirate #1: “Where is the cargo?”


Aladdyn tapped his chin in thought.


Aladdyn: “There might be some old clothes left?”


There was a sudden blood-curdling scream as one of the pirates went down.


Somali Pirate #1: “What was that!? What happened to him!?”


Another pirate wailed in agony and went down to the ground.


Somali Pirate #2: “The ship is boobytrapped!”

Somali Pirate #1: “With what!? What could be so deadly?”


Another howl of terror and anguish as yet another pirate tried to run but couldn’t manage it as his feet couldn’t connect with the floor. He toppled over and they could see his wounded soles. Their eyes widened with horror.


Somali Pirate #1:LEGOs!!!! Everyone run! Abandon this ship!!!”


The pirates all run.


But many of them were lost that day. The air was filled with the sound of suffering.

Somewhere, the Danes bowed their head in both pride and despair at the evil they had created and unleashed upon the world.

Notes

Britt's Commentary

"The movie featuring Tom Hanks[Ext 1] is Captain Phillips[Ext 2]." ~ Britt the Writer

References

External References